As I said in my last post I have been engaged in a specific meditational practice for the last month. Recently I have been experiencing intense emotional mood swings. Feelings of defensiveness and anxiety. I have even begun to attract some negativity into my life and have become very reactionary and have possessed a rather debative spirit. I have even gotten defensive toward my loved ones at home as well as friends and acquaintances on the internet. I have always had an innate ability to accept flaws in myself and have been told that I am very teachable. It took me a few days to actually accept that something deeper is going on here, and that my behavior may very well be part of this spiritual purification. It is quite uncomfortable having these emotions that have so upset my inner peace. I came across this quote today that hit me like a thunderbolt. It is interesting how the Universe knows what lessons we need to learn for our spiritual growth. Maa is holding nothing back with me...I have felt her Divine presence and I ought to listen up:)
If you live in unison with your true Atman or Spirit, if you always keep yourself in touch with God in you, with your own Self or Atman, you are inspired all the time. What is wrong with you is that your mind comes in contact with earthly magnets on all sides, worldly attachments which magnetize you and put you out of order, you are no longer in running order, deranged.
If you are not inspired today, the sole reason is that you do not keep yourself isolated, or insulated enough. You allow worldly objects to magnetize, to hypnotize you, you allow them to play foul and fast with you. If you want to regain your original powers and inspiration, keep yourself insulated, isolated for a while.
Bury yourself in the Reality, in Divinity, in God, in the true Atman. Keep yourself buried in the Spirit, in the Truth. Live alone for a time, set apart sometime of your day for keeping in touch with the Reality; merge yourself, bury yourself in God. Do that and the spoiling magnetism and wrong hypnotism that you have got from these worldly objects will leave you, your mind will be running in order again. You will be again inspired.
~Swami Rama Tirtha
So I have decided to take a 'Solitude Sabbatical' so to speak, for a week's time or longer if necessary. I need to recharge my Inner batteries. To immerse myself in the Divine Love of my Beloved Maa. I will take this time to meditate, read, reflect, spend time in the Mother's green earth, and give love to those nearest and dearest to me. Just making this decision has already begun to lift this dark cloud that has been hovering over me. I wish nothing more than to be filled with Maa's Divine Love. My mind tells me I am a reflection of her and if I just stop long enough to listen my heart just might believe it too.
Jai Mata Di,