Sunday, October 21, 2012

I'm back:)

From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it

Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for

Today I have found you
and those who laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did

I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you
with a hundred eyes

My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold

I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine

Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow

My soul is screaming in ecstasy
Every fiber of my being
is in love with you

Your effulgence
has lit a fire in my heart
for me
the earth and sky

My arrow of love
has arrived at the target
I am in the house of mercy
and my heart
is a place of prayer


     Hello my dear friends! I have been off the internet for nearly a month and a half and I am finally coming back. It has been marvelous! I quite literally walked away from almost everything in the technical world. I even quit watching television for a good deal of the time I was on my Solitude Sabbatical. My sadhana up to this point has been very deep and revealing for me. I cannot say that I am even close to where I want to be on a spiritual level, but I am at least a few steps closer:) I fight a great deal with myself. I was telling my husband just today that I am my own worst enemy. It is a fierce inner battle for me to reconcile my outer life with my inner most regions. Yes, at the age of 43 I am still trying to find myself. I can attest to all of you young people out there, the older you get the harder it is to create positive change in your life and rid yourself of old habits. They can plague you and just when you think you have finally won the war they rear their ugly little heads once again. This is reminiscent of Sri Krishna's words to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita:

When you let your mind heed the Siren call of
the senses, they will carry away your better judgment
as storms drive a boat off its safe-charted course to
certain doom.
Use all your power to set the senses free from
attachment and aversion alike, and live in the full
wisdom of the Self.

    It is a curious thing to find one's self continuing on in some bad habit and finding no will to resist. I have come to the conclusion that it is virtually impossible to resist the senses without the help of some higher power, and I don't mean up there somewhere in the sky. I refer to that 'inner power' of the higher Self. So how to draw it out and draw upon it? For me it is quite literally turning heart and soul in devotion to my ishta devata...she being the Divine Mother of the Universe...Maa.
      It is an interesting thing to see mysticism working in one's life. I use the word mysticism because, well to be frank, there just is no other way to explain the many little events that happen in a single day, week, or month that are unexplainable miracles. Each day I implore the Mother to manifest in my daily life. That I may see her work evident in me and all around me, and every time I witness some little synchronicity I just smile and say to myself, 'Maa is teaching me again'. It is only through the Divine Feminine that we are able to achieve anything. We cannot succeed in life without the Goddess's grand play of shakti. Even if we do not acknowledge it, it still exists. 
       I know that there are many types of sadhana for many different personalities, for me japa mantra is the most powerful. I sometimes think I could chant all day:) There are times when I have been chanting for a while and I close my eyes and I can feel the sacred sanskrit words penetrating my very being....vibrating through me. At those times I feel so alive and at one with everything around me. I have been working with a mantra over the last two weeks that is quite powerful. It is called the Maha Ganapathi Step Mantra. I chose this mantra because I just adore Lord Ganesha and know he is the great remover of obstacles...and with the obstacles I am trying to overcome I knew I needed a real doozy of a mantra...hehehe.

Om Swaha
Om Shreem Swaha
Om Shreem Hreem Swaha
Om Shreem Hreem Kleem Swaha
Om Shreem Hreem Kleem Glaum Swaha
Om Shreem Hreem Kleem Glaum Gam Swaha
Om Shreem Hreem Kleem Glaum Gam Ganapatayei Swaha
Om Shreem Hreem Kleem Glaum Gam Ganapatayei Vara Varada Swaha
Om Shreem Hreem Kleem Glaum Gam Ganapatayei Vara Varada 
      Sarva Janam Me Vasham Swaha
(Each line is repeated from 3 to 108 repetitions counted out on the mala beads...when repeating each line 108 times it takes roughly 90 minutes) 

      Japa mantra is an incredible mystical form of worship that can bring about amazing results in one's life. I can attest to its great power. It is always wise to seek counsel when engaging in sanskrit mantra. There are many mantras that are quite popular and are considered tried and true such as the Gayatri Mantra, which is my favorite of all mantras. I chant it daily during devotions and through out the day. You can find many great books about mantra. Two of my favorite authors, who happen to be adepts in the field of mantra are Swami Vamadeva Shastri (Dr. David Frawley) and Namadeva (Thomas Ashley-Farrand). They are both very respected voices throughout the mystic community. It is my dream to attend a retreat sponsered by Vamadeva Shastri and his wife Shambhavi Lorain Chopra, who happens to be a mystic yogini herself.
        I will continue my mantra practice for at least 40 days if not more and feel quite confident that it will reap great results in my life. I am truly grateful to my beloved Maa for guiding me on my life's journey. I would implore anyone to find your own personal mantra and repeat it daily, for strength to overcome and as a reminder that you are a Divine Being having a human experience, that you are not your body or your mind. Do not let your outer self convince you that it is what you truly are, you are your 'inner Self, the Soul and it is the soul's purpose to find its way back to the Source. 

Tat Tvam Asi and Jai Mata Di!



  1. Tat Tvam Asi, indeed !

    Welcome back :)

  2. Thank you my curious friend:) Hope you are enjoying the season!

  3. Nirvani, if you haven't discovered her already I'd like to introduce you to Uma Mohan and particularly to her version of this mantra. Her voice sang me through some of the most challenging parts of India.

  4. ps: maybe it's just me (i'm not wearing my glasses) but it took me 6 tries to pass the spam/robot test!